Addressing Conflict Early Paves the Way for a Strong Relationship
Conflict delayed is conflict amplified.
This statement encapsulates a profound truth about human relationships and the nature of unresolved issues. When we avoid addressing conflicts, especially with those we care about, we inadvertently allow them to grow and fester, leading to amplified problems over time.
Avoiding and Delaying Conflict is the Problem!
People often avoid conflict because it feels uncomfortable. They fear that others will respond negatively, and that the negative reaction will have a detrimental effect on their relationships. This reaction is understandable and something I relate to on a personal level.
However, consider this perspective: You can either confront your loved one now, which may not be pleasant, or you can delay addressing the conflict. Delaying the resolution can lead to growing resentment towards your loved one over time and can permanently damage your friendships and relationships.
As resentment grows, the fears you had about confronting the conflict now have an infinitely higher probability of eventually materializing.
Key Issues with Delaying Conflict:
- Accumulation of Resentment: Avoiding conflict doesn’t resolve the underlying issue. Instead, it allows resentment to build, which can damage relationships.
- Emotional Burden: Unresolved issues weigh heavily on us, affecting our mental and emotional well-being.
- Relationship Damage: Over time, the growing resentment can lead to permanent damage in friendships and relationships.
How Do I Know If I’m Avoiding Conflict?
If I get a bad feeling in my stomach, such as a sense that something is wrong, it indicates to me that there is an issue at hand… something is not right… I am not living in accordance with my being.
Let’s take an example of the classical argument about whether to put the toilet seat down or not.
If you want the toilet seat to be put down after use but do not express this, it can be annoying. You may feel frustrated without saying anything, which ensures that no one, especially the person who leaves the toilet seat up, is aware of your feelings.
You can recognize that you are avoiding conflict by honestly asking yourself if there is something you need to say or want to say that you are not expressing. If the answer is yes, or even somewhat yes, take the time to reflect on it seriously.
The Solution is Addressing Conflict Early
One of the benefits of addressing conflict early is that you achieve a resolution. It may not feel pleasant while you are resolving it, but if you address it before it escalates, it becomes easier to resolve, and you avoid developing resentment.
To illustrate this, consider a metaphor: If the conflict is like a small snowflake that lands on the top of a large hill, it may start small but can pick up snow as it rolls down. As time passes, it accumulates more and more snow until it becomes a large, unmanageable ball at the bottom of the hill.
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Applying this to conflict, it is crucial to address issues early rather than delaying them. Initially, the snowflake is small, and we can stop it from rolling further down the hill. We could even stop a medium-sized snowball, but anything larger than that risks becoming unmanageable.
The point is that you have a much better chance of successfully resolving conflict if you address it early.
Engaging in difficult conversations may be uncomfortable, but it is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Addressing conflict early can prevent this snowballing effect, where small issues grow into unmanageable problems.
Strategies for Effective Conflict Resolution:
- Empathy and Understanding: Approach the conversation with empathy. Try to understand the other person’s perspective and express your feelings without being harsh.
- Direct Communication: Clearly articulate your concerns. Avoiding the issue only allows it to grow.
- Unconditional Positive Regard: As Carl Rogers suggested, maintain a positive regard for the person you’re addressing. This approach fosters trust and openness.
- Rogerian Approach: Emphasize empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard to navigate difficult conversations effectively.
The Benefits of Early Conflict Resolution
Addressing conflict early not only prevents the accumulation of resentment but also serves as a trust-building exercise. To me, that’s a very interesting aspect of conflict resolution.
If you address conflict honestly from a point of empathy and congruence with your own internal sense of being, while maintaining unconditional positive regard for the person with whom you are resolving the conflict, it actually builds trust. The act of addressing conflict serves as a trust-building exercise, even though it may not feel pleasant.
Stated differently, when we confront issues honestly and empathetically, we strengthen our relationships and build a foundation of trust.
Key Benefits of Early Conflict Resolution:
- Resolution Achievement: Early intervention makes it easier to resolve issues before they escalate.
- Trust Building: Honest and empathetic conflict resolution builds trust between individuals.
- Emotional Relief: Resolving conflicts alleviates the emotional burden of unresolved issues.
Embrace the Discomfort!
To summarize this post, I want to highlight the fact that while it may be tempting to avoid conflict, doing so only amplifies the problem over time. By addressing issues early and head-on with empathy, we can prevent resentment from taking root and maintain healthy, trusting relationships.
Remember, the discomfort of a difficult conversation is temporary, but the damage of unresolved conflict can last a lifetime!
By embracing the discomfort and engaging in open, empathetic dialogue, we not only resolve conflicts but also strengthen our connections with others. This approach not only benefits our relationships but also contributes to our overall well-being and emotional health.
The post The Hidden Dangers of Delayed Conflict Resolution first appeared on Jón Ingi Hlynsson.